o, the other day, I was walking down the hallway right? I was having a grand ol’ time enjoying the smell of Bulkogi drifting around campus and actively avoiding all academic responsibilities. It was the perfect day outside and I was super excited for a Netflix binge in the afternoon. But then, out of nowhere, this huge hulking creature comes out of a class- room and starts walking towards me. Now, although I’m not the type of person that gets scared easily, this “thing,” stopped me dead in my tracks. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed it, but it seemed like I was the only one who had seen anything out of the ordinary. After asking a friend who happened to be walking by, she explained that it was known as a “senior.” Since the incident, I’ve been feeling kind of paranoid and jumpy at school. I was wondering if you had heard of this mysterious “senior” creature and know whether or not it is dangerous?
Hi Frightened Freshman,
Have no fear, Luci is here. No seriously, don’t worry. I myself have encountered these “seniors” in their wild habitat and have taken scrupulous notes to develop a plan for survival. I completely understand your fears, but as long as you follow My Foolproof Plan© and take the adequate measures to protect yourself and those that you love, I promise all will be resolved in due time. There’s a couple different parts to my plan, but it can essentially be described as a strategy of avoidance and constant fear. Over the years I’ve been at DA, I’ve encountered several of the creatures you described in your letter. I’ve tried a couple techniques including *gasp* engaging them in conversation. However, that didn’t work so well, as they speak a strange language called “senioritis” (pronounced SEEN-YOUR-EYE-TISH). I’ve ultimately concluded that the best way to circumvent the creatures is to stay outside of a thirty meter radius of them and avoid eye contact at all costs. Even if this doesn’t work, I think you’ll find that the “seniors” won’t engage with you as they all seemed to concerned with getting into this mystifying place known as “college”. But again, better safe than sorry. Remember, just follow my tips and I’m sure you’ll be back to Netflix binging in no time!
May the odds be ever in your favor, Luci