Pre-Schooler: thinks deeply about the architecturally appropriate formation for next sandcastle
Kindergartener: writes thorough memoir about the struggles they faced in their intensive year-long study of the ABCs
1st Grader: reflects back on younger years with jaded cynicism, but quickly gets distracted by a cute doggy on the other side of the street
2nd Grader: celebrates graduation from the middle child of grades
3rd Grader: debates the relative merits of Percy Jackson and Harry Potter. Was Harry’s best friend’s sister really in the graveyard during the goblet of fire? Or was that his cousin’s house elf’s mother’s son?
4th Grader: remains paralyzed while caught in an existential crisis about starting middle school
5th Grader: prays desperately for growth spurt but remains thoroughly underwhelmed
6th Grader: tries to articulate deep thought, but is interrupted by voice crack
7th Grader: binge watches Gossip Girl until eyes glaze over
8th Grader: reverts back to previous state of paralysis while caught in an existential crisis about starting high school
Freshman: plays Fortnite©️ for a fortnight
Sophomore: drives, drives, drives, smashes into pole, drives, drives, drives
Junior: works five internships, three part-time jobs, and takes a service trip to Ghana at the same time. Sleep becomes irrelevant, but stills feels they could be doing more to prove themselves to colleges…
Senior: ….ehhh….never mind….