Thoughts on College


Harried College Counselor: So many uninformed children, so little time…. 

Standardized Test Junkie: Honestly, SAT, ACT, SAT subject tests, PSAT, PACT, even the ERBs, I’ll take anything I can get my hands on. 

The Average DA Applicant: So I’ve narrowed my list down to Brown, Elon, Georgia Tech, UChicago, Yale, Princeton, Harvard, UPenn, Georgetown, NC State, Dartmouth, Wake Forest, Cornell, Carnegie, Smith, Amherst, UMass, Haverford, Swarthmore, WashU, Stanford, Tulane, Kenyon, Boston College, Boston University, Davidson, Columbia, Barnard, USC, UCLA, Berkeley, Miami University, Sewanee, Rice, UMichigan, NYU, Bard, Reed, Carleton, Tufts, Rollins, Hollins, Vanderbilt….. 

The Diehard UNC Fan: I’m interested in UNC Chapel Hill, UNC Greensboro, UNC Asheville, UNC Charlotte, UNC Pembroke, UNC Wilmington, and just to mix things up a little, I might apply to UNC School of the Arts. 

The Diehard Duke Fan: Duke. Only Duke. Tutors: The worse at standardized testing, the better. *maniacal laughter* 

The College Board: “We’re a non-profit” ;) 

Parents: *hyperventilates* Teachers Trying to Come Up With Something Original in Recommendations: “Little Joshy is so passionate about the material he is passionate about. It really seems to be his passion.” 

People Already in College: Hehe… suckers. 

Second Semester Senior: I got ninety-nine problems, but doing homework ain’t one 

The Ivies: “In an attempt to increase panic and bolster stress in our school, we’ve slimmed down our acceptance rate to -5% this year. Good luck!” 

Literally Everyone Ever: So, where do you want to go to college?